Privacy Please
by theyneverhaveanextractionplan
Summary: … Or 5 times they got walked in on and one time they didn't even notice. SEXUAL CONTENT (nothing too descriptive) and foul language.
1. Chapter 1

**Privacy Please**  
**… Or 5 times they got walked in on and one time they didn't even notice.**  
**By: theyneverhaveanextractionplan**  
**Disclaimer: I don't own any of these perfect characters…** **if I did, the things I would make them do… ;)**

1). Steve  
Steve was on his way to the gym, and something wasn't right. He always saw Clint and Natasha sparring in the gym, unless they were on a mission. He squinted up against the glass and frowned, something's not quite right, he thought. He couldn't see a damn thing through the small view point and decided to go in and make sure they were ok. When he opened the door he heard some odd noises.

"Don't-" there was a very loud grunt, "stop, baby, oh oh oh oooooooooooh!" Steve frowned at the feminine voice and manly grunts that followed.

"Tash-" grunt, "you're so fucking tight," grunt, moan, feminine yelp. This was definitely not normal, what on earth was happening in that gym? To most, it would be blatantly obvious that they were fucking, but to Steve Rogers it most certainly was not.

"Clint? Natasha? Is everything alright? I heard some noises and I-" his eyes went wide and his face went red, his jaw dropped a bit and then he quickly covered his eyes. There on the sparring mats, was Clint laying down and Natasha on top of him. Both stark naked (ahaha stark get it? ;p) and panting. "I am so sorry! I had no idea! I just thought-"

"Steve," Clint groaned.

"Yeah?"

"Get. Out."

"Oh! Right! Sorry, I just got caught up with my rambling and-"

"STEVE!" Natasha yelled. He ran out the door apologies spewing out of his mouth the entire way out. Natasha looked down at Clint and smirked, the equivalent to the shit eating grin on Clint's face. They looked at each other, with something that wasn't love, but more. It was love, lust, scars, and a lifetime of secrets that no one knew but them. Steve smiled at that look, he had seen it when he came back to close the door. They were meant to be, and he would keep this to himself.

"I bet he's a virgin," Clint said nonchalantly as if there wasn't a naked, Russian assassin laying on him, and they weren't just having a moment. She smacked his head and they both stood up and went to the showers to finish up what they had started on the mats. He grabbed her and threw her over his shoulder, in a fireman's hold and even though she protested he knew she loved at much as he did. Especially because if she didn't like it, he would've been dead.


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: I own nothing, except this story.

2). Thor (and Jane)  
Thor sat contently on the lavish couch in Avengers Tower, with Jane snuggled next to him texting Darcy. He was covered with dust and filth, and she didn't care. She was glad he was safe, from the gruesome battle the Avengers had just fought. The elevator dinged and there was a…giggle? Thor and Jane turned to see a bandaged up Clint and Natasha, running to their room. They were gone in a blink. Before Jane could stop him, Thor ran after them to see what the matter was.  
"Thor! Leave them alone! They might be-" She threw her head back against the couch with a groan, and then jumped up to run after them. Even as a God, Thor could be denser than a tree sometimes.  
"HEY!" Clint shouted, there was sheets moving, and the sound of a gun being loaded. Jane ran faster. When she got to the two assassin's bedroom she saw a sight that made her fall to ground in a heap of laughter. There on the bed was Thor, who had tackled a naked Clint. And a naked Natasha, under the sheets with her pistol out and pointed at Thor. When she started to laugh, everyone's head turned towards her. It was a perfect moment to take a picture.  
"What are you doing Thor?" Jane asked when she finally could breathe.  
"The Eye of Hawk, was attacking Lady Natasha. I was simply ordering him to desist," he explained innocently.  
"I most definetly was not hurting her," Clint said in a cocky, that made Natasha elbow him, with the gun still held in her hands, "What baby, you sayin' I was?" his hint of a California accent (just think of how Jeremy Renner says "party" during his speech at Scar's star ceremony) actually made the Black Widow turn into a puddle of goo, though he was pretty sure that he was the only one who knew that. She lowered her gun slowly, and placed it on the bedside table. And then without sparing Thor or Jane a second look she promptly attacked the archer's lips.  
Jane pulled Thor off of their bed and pushed him out the door. When she turned to close the door she heard Clint mutter something to Natasha, that sounded a lot like, "I love you, Tash." though Jane would never be sure. She smiled as she walked away and thought, they deserve each other.  
Once the door was closed Clint rolled onto Natasha and muttered, "I love you, Tash," and kissed her softly.  
"Love is for children," she breathed back.  
"I am a child," he said the look of love and truth in his eyes, contradicting the dirty, fast, and hard movements of his hand below her waist.  
"I am too," she said simply. Their kisses getting hotter and faster. Jane had been right, they did deserve each other.


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: Marvel ain't mine.

3). Bruce  
Bruce couldn't sleep, for whenever he closed his eyes flashes of the time he attacked Natasha on the helicarrier were all he saw. Well not him per say, but still. Even all these months later he couldn't shake the feeling that he would lose his control and hurt one of his teammates.  
He stood up and wandered out of his room, clad in his favorite ratty old sweats, the prospect of getting some sleep was out of the picture. He found himself walking towards the kitchen, pondering the thought of how surreal his life was now. He was part of the Avengers. A team, not just Bruce and the others, but Bruce and the Other Guy.

His deep thoughts are what made him oblivious to the sight in front of him, until he was literally right in front of it. There on the counter top was Natasha and Clint. Clint was eating something that most certainly was not food. "Oh my- Holy-" he spluttered freezing on the spot. Natasha turned and looked at Bruce, she opened her mouth but orgasmed loudly before she could say anything. Clint stood and wiped his mouth with the back of his hand.

"Hey big guy, what's up?" Clint said nonchalantly.

"Uh..."

"If you say a word about this I'll kill you." he said so casually that it was even scarier.

"I already know where to bury him," Natasha added.

"Goodnight." they both said in sync and went to their room. Bruce sighed, there went his sleep for the rest of the year. He shuddered and then went to his lab, planning on hiding out there until this all blew over. Clint and Natasha never did have to kill Bruce though, his lips were sealed.

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**_Read and Review Lovelies :)_**


	4. Chapter 4

Disclaimer: I own nothing, but this story.

4). Tony

After a long day of hard work in the lab, to be honest all Tony wanted was a hot shower, some scotch, and a cuddle from Pepper. But, she was in Malibu to his despair, and so he settled on the scotch. Top shelf, to be exact. He was feeling it. He grabbed a glass and the bottle and settled on a barstool. Pouring glass after glass, and watching the beautiful New York City skyline.

Hours, and half of the bottle later, Tony Stark was intoxicated and lonely. He stood, more like fell, of the stool and began to walk. He was drawn towards a certain assassin's room, looking for some cuddles. One that most certainly would kill him, if he touched her. But, the scotch told Tony to go go go! So he went. Not bothering to knock he burst in, and there was Natasha in bed, naked. With her hand down below the sheets, arched back, moaning, with a laptop on her legs. She heard Tony, and grabbed her knife, but in her haste the laptop was spun and Tony could clearly see the horny archer on the other end. Clint's shriek was so funny, Tony would've peed himself if there wasn't a Russian assassin holding a knife at him.

"Having all the fun without me?" he whined.

"What the hell, Stark!?" she shouted as she snapped the laptop shut and grabbed her robe, standing up. "Tony, are you drunk?"

"NO! Yes. Mayyyyybbbeeee." he hiccuped, "I just wanna cuddle," he attempted to get his arms around Natasha.

"Pepper is so gonna kill you," Natasha smirked with glee, mirth lighting up her eyes. She pushed him lightly to get him out of the room, and with that he passed out. Once he hit the floor Natasha rolled her eyes and got into bed. To lazy to get him out, she fell asleep.

"Babe sorry the flight was del-" Clint stopped dead in his tracks. Inside the room, there was Natasha in their bed sound asleep and Tony Stark laying face down on the floor. Natasha stirred in her sleep, and then shot up, relaxing once she saw Clint. "Uh, he's not dead right?" Clint asked stepping over Tony and placing a light kiss on her lips.

"No, he's just being Tony," she said wrapping her arms around his shoulders and her legs around his waist, giggling when he spun her and fell onto the bed with her on his stomach then. They began to kiss and his hands found the bottom of her shirt, he tugged it up-

"Well, good morning to you two," Tony said getting up slowly, "What happened? Did the spider's desire for me finally show? I vaguely remember moans, a laptop, a knife, and plenty of scotch..." he frowned. Clint raised his eyebrow and mouthed, a knife huh? and winked at Natasha. She glared at both Clint and Tony.

"I will give you 5 seconds, to run." She whispered menacingly, not bothering to move from her position on top of the archer. Tony was gone in a flash.

"YOU KNOW YOU WANT ME!" he screamed over his shoulder as he ran. Clint's laugh was muffled by a mouth being smooshed onto his.

"I missed you," he said into the kiss.

"I missed this," she breathed back.

"Ooooh, prove it to me baby," he whispered huskily. And boy did she.

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_**CAN WE JUST TALK ABOUT JREN AND HIS PERFECTION, FOR LIKE A SECOND? OMFG I'M DYING.**_


	5. Chapter 5

Disclaimer: None of this is mine...damn.

_This one is more fluff than anything, because Daddy!Phil feels._

**5). Phil**

Phil Coulson had seen it all. From Gods falling from the sky, to magical spears, and he had even seen Natasha Romanov cry. The only time she ever cried, and he witnessed it, as she mourned for her half dead partner laying on the operation table. He was one of the only people who had ever seen her smile, too (when her partner was finally awake). So, when he walked into the debriefing hall and saw his two best, brightest, and favorite (though if asked he would deny) agents in a compromising position (Clint in one of the chairs with Natasha in his lap, they are kissing like the world is ending. Her nails are scratching up and down his back, and he has her suit off of one her shoulders) all he could do was close his eyes and cough, all too used to it. He acts irritated, but he smiles and squeals like a fangirl on the inside, when he sees affection between them.

They both freeze, but once they know it's Phil they don't care. Natasha jumps off of Clint's lap and runs towards to Phil, adjusting her uniform while she does. Phil raises an eyebrow when she hugs him, but reciprocates (one of the only people who he will actually hug, Clint and Pepper being the others).

"You didn't drug her, right Clint?" he jokes when she pulls back. She just shakes her head at him and flashes her left hand. There on her ring finger is a huge diamond. One of the only times it will actually be on her finger.

"She said she would only marry me if you were in charge of the rings," Clint informed him. Phil's eyes widened, not only did this break every rule in the book, but it was not what he was expecting at all.

"You can't-" she starts.

"Tell. And yes, I'll hold the rings," he answers.

"Phil?"

"Yes, Mrs. Soon-To-Be-Barton?"

"Walk me down the aisle?" she asks, more vulnerable then ever, and tears shine in her eyes. Phil walks forward, grabs her and Barton in a bone crushing hug.

"I would be honored," he says into her hair, amazed at how far these two have come together.

"So, when's the wedding?" Phil asks pulling away, "And where?"

"Next weekend," Natasha says.

"Budapest," Clint adds, mischief in his eyes.

"Budapest?" Phil inquires, frowning, there was nothing but trouble the last time.

"Budapest." They say together.

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**I hope you smiled as much as I did. :***


	6. Chapter 6

**Disclaimer: Only the story is mine** **This was hard to write.**

**+1.**

Clint and the rest of the team, including Jane, Darcy, Pepper, and Phil were huddled out in the cold on top of Avengers Tower, waiting for the helicopter to land. Natasha's 6 month long, solo deep cover mission into Red Room territory had all of them, especially Clint extremely anxious. Clint, Phil, and Fury were the only people in on what the actual mission was, and the only ones who had contact with Natasha. 4 months in, she went dark. No signals, Intel, or contact. Nothing. The group had been shocked at how badly that affected Clint. He ate only a little, worked out too much, and spent the rest of his time standing on the top of the tower waiting. He took short missions when he had to, but eventually Phil deemed him compromised and said that until Strike Team Delta was reunited Clint was "grounded" so to speak.

"Clint, you know what she had to do, are you sure you want them here to witness the aftermath?" Phil asked, placing a hand on Clint's shoulder. Steve, Tony, and Bruce frowned. 'Them' was obviously referring to the team.

"What's going on? Is Natasha-"Steve was interrupted by Clint.

"It's none of your god damn business spangles so why don't you-" he took a deep breath, "I'm sorry Steve I'm taking my anger out on you. She's-" all of a sudden everyone's hair and clothing were blowing from the wind that the chopper made as it landed. Pepper and Jane (both avid Clintasha shippers) squealed at the look in Clint's eyes as the door opened. Out popped Natasha, red hair chopped unevenly as though someone had cut one side short and forgotten to cut the other; she was covered in a layer of dust and grime; blood littered her hands and her face (Clint still thought she was gorgeous); she had a tortured look in her eye that only Clint and Phil really understood. Before Phil could stop him Clint was sprinting towards her, the rest of the group went to follow but Phil stopped them before they could get any closer.

"Let Clint handle this, he's the only one who can."

"Handle what? Her? I bet anyone on this planet would pay a million bucks to handle that," Tony joked earning a blush from Bruce, smack from Pepper, a "don't talk about Natasha like that" from Coulson, and a glare from everyone else, "joking God, loosen up-" the sight before him shut him right up. Clint had full on sprinted to Natasha, but when he got to her he didn't kiss her, pull her into a hug, nothing. He just stared at her until she looked up from the ground and met his eyes. Clint's heart cracked at the horror in her eyes, Natasha didn't get scared. Ever. He opened his mouth to speak, but when tears filled her eyes he just held her and didn't let go.

"I am so sorry that I-" Clint began.

"No. After what happened I am the only one who needs to apologize," she glared, pulling back a bit.

"What happened?" his eyes darkened to that stormy color that would've dropped Natasha to her knees if she hadn't been so horrified.

"Not here," then she ran; past Clint, and the team; and everyone else on that roof. Clint followed leaving the team out there staring, dumbfounded.

"What is going on? Is everything ok?" Pepper asked, to no one in particular. Phil didn't answer he just muttered something under his breath and followed Clint. Not bothering to stop the rest of the group from tagging along. They cared, and he respected that.

When they got to the room that the assassins were in, Phil stopped everyone and they watched through the window what unfolded. The soundproof walls left them to read body language to figure out what was going on.

"Tash-"

"I DIDN'T WANT IT! HE DID IT ANYWAY, BUT I PROMISE I DIDN'T WANT IT." she shouted at Clint. From outside Phil winced, when he saw Clint's body go rigid.

"What. Did. They. Do." he growled out going stiff (obviously asking about what happened other than the torture,a dn beatings), and his eyes darkened with rage.

"He...he..." she looked to meet Clint's eyes, "He raped me." They locked eyes for a moment before Natasha Romanov broke. Cracked in front of all their eyes, in front of Clint who caught her as she fell. Phil rushed in to comfort the assassin, while her husband beat the shit out of the wall. Natasha just sobbed harder, as Clint began to crack as well, falling to pieces right there with his forhead against the wall.

"I was supposed to protect you, Tash. I failed you. I failed you." he just kept saying Failed you, and slid down the wall. Phil looked between Clint's defeated form, and Natasha's broken one and his eyes hardened. Phil never lost his temper. Never. Until that day. He gently shoved Natasha into Clint's arms, and reached into his pocket. He placed the rings in Clint's hand, the rings that he had held for so many years. And he walked out.

The entire team stared with their mouths open as they watched the assassins slip on their wedding rings and clutch each other tightly. Clint buried his face in Natasha's hair and both of their bodies wracked with sobs. They were murmuring soft apologies to each other, when the group went in. Pepper ran to Natasha, grabbing her hand and joking about how large the rock was, anything to make Natasha smile. Bruce slowly walked forward and timidly began to bandage Clint's hand. Steve, Tony, Thor, and Jane stood for moment before joining the group, weaving in and out to pick up the pieces and put the assassins back together.

Nick Fury barged in a few minutes later, and smiled, really smiled at how much the team had grown, and matured.

"Where is Agent Coulson?" shaking his head when the assassins began to get up to stand at attention.

"He left," Tony said,

"We assumed he went to you," Steve added. Fury frowned motioned for Strike Team Delta (minus Coulson) to follow him and walked out. Both assassins stopped in the doorway and turned to faced the team. They nodded in thanks, and ran after Fury.

Agent Phil Coulson was gone for a 2 weeks, and he returned to two pissed off, sleep deprived, and emotionally compromised assassins. He ignored Fury's shouting, knowing he wasn't really in any sort of trouble, and pulled Clint and Natasha into a conference room. He closed and locked the door, then turned to face them. Their eyes widened when they saw the bruises on his face and blood all over him.

"Phil, are you alright!?" Natasha shrieks, running forward to examine his wounds.

"Better question, where the hell were you!?" Clint yells, his voice filled with hurt. "Handing us our rings like you were saying goodbye! Why Phil?"

"I killed them. Every single one. They will never hurt you two again."

"Killed who?" Natasha asks suspicously.

"Every single one of those bastards who touched you. Hurt my agents, my family and live? No. I couldn't let Clint go off and get killed because of his blind rage. I took care of it," his calm voice contradicting his physique. Natasha fell against Clint for support, her hand covering her mouth in shock. Red Room would now be after all of them, not just her. Something she never wanted, something that she would die before she allowed it to happen.

"Phil, I have to go and turn myself in to them."

"WHAT!? Like hell Romanov." Clint spat, only calling her by her maiden name when he was angry. None of them noticing the team had walked in.

"Clint, they'll be after Phil now, after you, now. I can't let that happen."

"Guys, no one is turning themselves in to the Red Room." Steve said suddenly, "We are a team and to get one of us, they have to go through all of us." Shouts of approval from everyone else sounded. Strike Team Delta exchanged glances, then looked at the rest of the people in the room. "Deal?"

"Deal." Phil, Natasha, and Clint said. The team rushed forward and engulfed the three in a hug.

"Thank you," Natasha whispered to them all.

"Anytime." replied Tony. Clint captured Natasha's lips with his own, and they all lived happily ever after (as happily ever after as two assassins and a group of superheroes could).

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**And there's that. Final chapter. Thank you all so much for your love and support. :')**


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